I just returned home to my beachfront property here in Nashville after seeing a movie down in Hickory Hollow with a buddy of mine. Allow me to rewind and discuss my day. 

This morning I awoke around 8am and shook the sleep from mine eyes. I pulled myself out of bed and walked to the bathroom. Upon reaching the bathroom door my foot slipped in a puddle and I caught myself with the door frame before taking a swim. I had to think hard about this because I had just woken up and this mind of mine creates a plethora of spectacular dreams; so I thought this could be one of them. Nay, it was not. Let us go back even further. Last night upon arriving home from my week away I walked in the door to a horrible stench. I have a powerful drug-sniffing-dog type nose, so if something smells bad to you it more than likely drives me to the verge of insanity. I dropped my bags and went searching for the culprit. I looked in the trash, which I knew I took out before I left for that very reason… nothing. I searched the fridge and freezer and cabinets… nothing. Finally I chalked it up to “humidity” and the fact that I had the windows sealed up before I left. I’ve never lived around humidity saturated areas before so I just thought, “This place is older and the moisture is probably revisiting some moldy areas.” So I sprayed the dickens out of the place with air freshener. I spent most of the evening out and the only time I was back in my room was to shower and slip into bed. So when I got out of the shower and walked through the doorway I must have just thought the water was from my already wet feet and body. Now back to today. I was on the phone with a dear friend long-distance when I saw a guy who fit the profile of “maintenance” outside toying with a water meter. I excused myself and hung up the phone to go speak with said maintenance man. I asked him if he knew anything about a water leak. He said that the neighbor to my left had some major issues with his water heater. “SHOCKER.” This guy is a bundle of patience. It turns out while I was out of town his water heater burst on Tuesday flooding his condo and mine. Then upon repairing it… it burst again on Thursday, doubly flooding my condo. This was not what I had scheduled for my first day back, nor for my weekend. 

After doing the fun-fun phoning everyone and their carpet replacing mothers. I finally got to the bottom of the situation and found a kind soul willing to help me today instead of the not so thoughtful people who wanted me to sit in this filth until Monday so that they could go home early on a Friday. And yes, I do have the right to say so. I used to be an air-conditioning technician and would work all hours of the day to help those who needed their AC running in the smoldering heat of Phoenix, Arizona. Regardless of after-hours, weekends or holidays. 

So I spent a good amount of time moving everything out of my room, but the bed, and into my living room. Including all of my books and computer equipment. As soon as I finished the carpet doctors arrived in speedy fashion. They tore up the old, soaked the place with some mold killing enzymes and started up the jet engines and left them behind with instructions stating, “Leave the fans running for 48 hours, we’ll be back Monday to finish the job after everything is dry.” So here I sit feeling as if I am still on that plane from yesterday. 

After trying to get into some work on my laptop I couldn’t take the clutter of everything piled up in my living room nor the wind tunnel in my bedroom. So I made plans to grab dinner and catch a movie. So what did I see? Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I heard the buzz on twitter from last weekend, before I left, with people cringing at how awful it was. I always see films I want to see regardless of what others say. The others, the “they” people always speak of… were right. As the imaginative curtain flung open and the movie started I was taken back by how simple and boring the fonting was. But got into the first scene and felt it was fun and played off of the cheesiness of the originals. Then as I hung onto the movie with outstretched arms it kept slipping further and further away. Until it was so far gone all I could do was shake my head in disbelief. Shia LeBouf started swinging through trees like Brendan Fraser with monkeys and then arrived at the car chase scene just in time to fall into the vehicle for the 30th time of the evening. Then aliens began taking over and influencing crazy peoples minds, it was just awful. At one point I started creating a better story in my head just to help pass the time. I would not have been shocked if Will Smith swung out on a whip and donkey punched an alien while screaming, “Ah Hell No!” And then high-fived Indy. I cannot believe that script made it past someone’s trash can. It’s as if a 12 year old kid infatuated with aliens wrote the story after drinking too much Pepsi. I was incredibly disappointed, but you will all probably still see it anyway. And I don’t blame you, I did. 

So I started to head home to the Boeing engine test facility and called my buddy Kyle to tell him he was right about the movie. And during my conversation I dropped the phone as I was being attacked by a large mosquito in my car. This is never safe while traveling at 65mph on the freeway. This thing was seriously out for my blood. I made the two-fold mistake of wearing shorts tonight. One: the theatre was cold enough to hang meat. Two: It gave said mosquito free range of my lower third. I immediately flipped on the lights and started swatting away, I’m sure the view from the outside made someone’s entire year. I slapped at my legs and he started circling my head, I swung at the ceiling and he dive-bombed my chest. Finally I gave him an uppercut he would not recover from and flung him into the seat next to me where he landed with a thud. A thud that I couldn’t hear, but I’m sure he could. 

Well that concludes my very interesting day and leaves me puzzled about tomorrow. There is no doubt that I will be dreaming tonight that I am on a plane. Let’s just hope that plane is taking me to London, or to the northwest.

Goodnight All. 

cB